FINAL FREE HUG CAMPAIGN
There was a man, who was making a free hug campaign in the street and gave a free hug for all the people who he
met on the street in the city. He stood in the middle of the street brings the
sign along the street. At first, all of people ignored him. They just slipped and
looked at the man with the sign.They didn’t care about what that man do. Maybe
they thought that man was crazy. Next, the man with a sign came to an old woman
and asked that old woman a hug and that woman give that man a warm hug. All of
the people who saw that wanted to give him a free hug too. And then, all the
people in the street came closer to the man and they gave free hug to him.
The other people follwed the man action to give a free hug to the other. After that,
the police came. The police tried to stop the campaign because the campaign was
illegal and they assumed that free hug was banned. Then, the man and all the
people in the street made a petition and collected signatures from the people
who agree and supported to the campaign. Finally, they reached their target to collect 10.000 signatures from all the people in the city. He also enlisted
the support of some reporters who had interviewed him. After that, the police back down and they allowed
them to continue the free hug campaign. The police also joined that
campaign by giving a woman free hug too. The conclusion, a person can influenced people around him to do something useful. It is
not easy to influence many people that we never known before. However, that man can
influenced all the people by his candidness. He shared a warm hug to the other
and he made all the people follow him to do the same thing. By give them hugs,
it is mean that he share happiness to the people that he hug. It is a good action to make some people around us happy , so we can feel the
happiness not only for ourselves but also for the people around us.
thanks Dina for your post. It is an interesting story that had composed from the video. You have good flow of sentences but still you need to consider the topic sentence to make your paragraph in unity.
ReplyDeleteThis part of the first line "Based on the video that I watched before." is not yet a sentence. Make sure you use correct past verb because some of the verbs still in present, e.g "....brings the sign along the street." Brings --> brought.
Good luck dear.
thank you mam.
DeleteHi dina, Mrs. Eka already pointed out some of your mistakes. I also agree that you have a good flow of sentences but I think you have to think more about the use of “the”, because in some sentences you use “the” which made the sentence sound a little bit off, like “...they gave the free hug for him”, I think it would be nicer if you said “... they gave a free hug to him” and you write, “...enlisted the support of the some reporters” I suggest it should be “... enlisted the support of some reporters”.
ReplyDeleteAlso there is this sentence “...how a people can influence...” it should be just “how people can influence...”. Finally, the sentence “It is very good action to make some of the people around us a happiness”, i think it should be “It is a good action to make some people around us happy”.
Please forgive me if I talk too much and I hope my suggestions are not wrong grammatically ^^
Overall, you already have done a good job ^^ keep improving.
thank you aris.. i will edit it ^^ thank you
ReplyDelete